A Black Female Medical Student

Posted on: July 18, 2008

I am so tired. I should be in bed.

The doctor’s office called me. They want me to come in tomorrow so that they can take more of my blood. I’m anemic…. I don’t need to lose anymore blood! Lol…. sike…. not really.

I had to get 5 blood titers to show proof of immunization to several diseases. Apparently they messed up one of my tests so I gotta go back in for another one.  I hate getting stuck by needles, and I have the smallest, driest veins in the world, so its difficult.

I’m also in the middle of a big fight with my parents. I’m not going to go into the whole “I’m 20, big, bad, and in control” schpiel, but I really wish they would just chill sometimes. I mean, I’m 20…. I graduated college…. I’m going to medical school. You did your job. Sheesh.

I was talking to my ex-boyfriend today. I want him back, I really do. He’s a great guy….. However, he claims that he is too freaked out by the thought of being in a long-distance relationship (and I really can’t blame him, Midwest-East Coast is really crazy, especially with the whole economy/ oil fiasco currently happening) so its a no- go for the 2 of us.

Its just hard for me because I’ve never loved anyone so much, and I don’t wanna love anyone else as much. Do you know how DIFFICULT it was for us to get to this stage? How much crap we had to put with each other? I’m not doing this love thing with anyone else… uh-uh. Sorry.

And its not just that. I really do love him. When I’m with him, its like things just click. There are no fireworks, nothing crazy and passionate, unless we get carried away while arguing or uhh… you know, but even then, there’s that click. It just feels… correct. But we’ll see how it goes. Cuz to me, he’s talking a lot of smack. He loves me and he tells me in all different kinds of ways, but maybe he just doesn’t love me enough to handle a long-distance relationship?

Honestly, I don’t know if I love him enough. I just want him.

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