A Black Female Medical Student

Archive for September 2009

So I’m perusing facebook and I “happen” to fall upon my ex-boyfriend’s page (the one I dated off-and-on for like 3 yrs in college). I see him in a picture with the girl I’m almost certain he started messing around with shortly after we broke up. Once again, I start to burn and seethe with anger and resentment (clearly I still have some closure issues lol).

So I click out of his page, and go back to my profile. And I see my picture. And I just look so pretty. And HAPPY. Bright smile, flyy outfit. It was like for a brief moment, I stepped outside of myself and saw ME.

The way GOd sees me.

At that, all of my resentment and anger melted away (for the time being).

Because, for a moment I let myself forget I am an exceptionally flyy human being. And I remember that I AM HAPPY. I can’t be getting all bent out of shape cuz my ex decided to get his swerve on after dealing with me and isn’t still pining away, mourning his loss. 😉

We had our time and it was good for what it was, but like they say, all good things come to and end. You gotta move on. And to a large extent, I have. Since then, I’ve moved half way across the country, made new friends, and although our relationship is over,  I am fine….. fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, hoooo-oo! (I love Mary J.)

Its been hard to adjust, though, and I still don’t think I’m all the way adjusted yet. Being in Chicago, and at my school has been a very stressful and trying experience at times; still, I’m glad I made the move out of my comfort zone. I am here, and I am doing aight, you know?

This second year, I plan to do even better.

When I first came to medical school, I was pretty scared. Its like I had spent 4 years at Hampton cultivating myself and finally, I got to senior year and I was happy with who I was, and I had the rug just pulled out from under my feet!

I still don’t know what happened when I first started school, but I’m glad I got over it. As I write this, the quote from Marianne Williamson sticks out in my mind.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

– Marianne Williamson

One of the biggest things I take from this is that you should  give yourself the chance to succeed. Its not about if you can or you can’t, but if you have the courage to work as hard as you possible, whether you believe enough in yourself to dedicate your entire self to something, in order to give yourself the chance to do AMAZING. God put us all here for a purpose, so if you don’t recognize our potential, and use your gifts to the best of your ability, you are actually doing the world a disservice.

Who knows what the world is waiting for that only you can provide?

So do your thing. Be amazing, be kind, genuine, brilliant, dynamic, AWE-INSPRING…..

You’re too flyy not to be!

🙂

I’m so happy to be home! I haven’t felt this relaxed in awhile. I am just going to kick back and just ENJOY being responsibility-free! Almost.

So… life feel’s good.

I kinda miss my boyfriend, but it was probably better that we take a break off from one another anyways. We were practically living together this summer, we saw each other so much lol.

Either way, now that I’m back East again, I want to just be out and about. I was thinking about working so that I could by myself a laptop this school year, but I could really use a vacation. Also, there are a lot of people I want to see.

I think I want to get my hair done.

I’m really enjoying being so deliciously vapid. I said I was gonna read some books while on vacay, but now I’m like ‘eff that.

Tomorrow I’m going to get my eyebrows done…. set up an appointment to get my hair did….. and call around to see if I can find some place to tear it up this weekend.

*does a booty shake*

I feel like I’m in my twenties again…..

So… I was on facebook today and I was looking at pictures, looking through profiles, etc. and once again it hit me how different my life is from undergrad. And I started to think about how much my life sucks in comparison, lol… but then I thought about it a little bit more.

Undergrad was soooo much fun. I talk to pre-med college students and I hear often about how much they wish they were in medical school and how medical school must be so great… and you know, it is. There is much to be appreciated about being a medical student. However, there is also much to appreciate about being in college and I really realize that until it was over (isn’t that how it always is???).

That being said, I’m having fun in medical school. At first I was going to post about coming to terms with a sucky life (hence the title), but in truth, my life does not suck. Yes, it is pretty stressful, with lots of work involved and whatnot, but I’ve met great people here in medical school and I learned a lot about myself. I’ve accomplished things I never thought I would have been able to do, and my horizons have been broadened considerably since I left Hampton.

So… no. Life does not suck in medical school.

Actually I talk to many of my classmates and they talk about how much harder they worked in undergrad and how they have so much fun in medical school. I probably wouldn’t say that was the case for  me, because I definitely did my share of partying in undergradl. Not as much as some other people, but I did a bit. Now, the partying is a little farther and fewer in between, but its still there.

First year was an opportunity for me to do a lot of growing up mentally, and I really appreciated it. My confidence took quite a few hits at times when I was going through those rough periods, but after I made through them, it grew exponentially.

Now I’m at this sort of crossroads with trying to figure out what I want, or what do I really want.  But that’s an entry for another day.

But yeah. Medical school does not suck. So much. 🙂

So my summer research program is over, the pipeline program is over, and school will be starting back up in a few weeks. I’m still in Chicago, I have to make few more edits to my paper before its ready to submit for publication, and also I want to do some painting in my new apartment before I leave.

I’m excited about the painting. I bought a really cute red couch and loveseat last month, and I’m going to do an accent wall in the living room in purple. I know it sounds crazy, but I promise… its going to be really cute and funky. 🙂

I’m also going to paint the kitchen this really light olive green. I was thinking yellow at first, but I read that too much yellow is actually an irritant. So I decided to be safe and go  with green. The purple is already risky enough.

I haven’t decided which color to paint the bedroom. I’m thinking probably some thing earthy and brownish. But yeah, I’m really excited. My friends think I’m doing to much, but I know its going to be worth it. Especially when the winter comes. When it gets dark and gloomy and cold outside, its going to be nice to have a pretty vibrant place to come home too.

That’s another thing about medical school. Lol… its like you work really hard, so you’re not ashamed about spoiling yourself. Like, with me and shopping. During my first year, I probably spent a whole bunch of money on those post-test shopping expeditions. I guess it was a stress reliever or something.

That probably won’t happen as much this year because a.) I have too many clothes, and b.) I’m more interested in buying cute things for my new place than clothes right now, haha, but it is a bad habit that I’m going to try to be more aware of, lol.

Okay, I’m going to get back to work. A few of us are going to Six Flags next week and I want to try and get as much stuff done today as possible.