A Black Female Medical Student

A Brief Tryst with Pettyness

Posted on: September 24, 2009

So I’m perusing facebook and I “happen” to fall upon my ex-boyfriend’s page (the one I dated off-and-on for like 3 yrs in college). I see him in a picture with the girl I’m almost certain he started messing around with shortly after we broke up. Once again, I start to burn and seethe with anger and resentment (clearly I still have some closure issues lol).

So I click out of his page, and go back to my profile. And I see my picture. And I just look so pretty. And HAPPY. Bright smile, flyy outfit. It was like for a brief moment, I stepped outside of myself and saw ME.

The way GOd sees me.

At that, all of my resentment and anger melted away (for the time being).

Because, for a moment I let myself forget I am an exceptionally flyy human being. And I remember that I AM HAPPY. I can’t be getting all bent out of shape cuz my ex decided to get his swerve on after dealing with me and isn’t still pining away, mourning his loss. 😉

We had our time and it was good for what it was, but like they say, all good things come to and end. You gotta move on. And to a large extent, I have. Since then, I’ve moved half way across the country, made new friends, and although our relationship is over,  I am fine….. fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, hoooo-oo! (I love Mary J.)

Its been hard to adjust, though, and I still don’t think I’m all the way adjusted yet. Being in Chicago, and at my school has been a very stressful and trying experience at times; still, I’m glad I made the move out of my comfort zone. I am here, and I am doing aight, you know?

This second year, I plan to do even better.

When I first came to medical school, I was pretty scared. Its like I had spent 4 years at Hampton cultivating myself and finally, I got to senior year and I was happy with who I was, and I had the rug just pulled out from under my feet!

I still don’t know what happened when I first started school, but I’m glad I got over it. As I write this, the quote from Marianne Williamson sticks out in my mind.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

– Marianne Williamson

One of the biggest things I take from this is that you should  give yourself the chance to succeed. Its not about if you can or you can’t, but if you have the courage to work as hard as you possible, whether you believe enough in yourself to dedicate your entire self to something, in order to give yourself the chance to do AMAZING. God put us all here for a purpose, so if you don’t recognize our potential, and use your gifts to the best of your ability, you are actually doing the world a disservice.

Who knows what the world is waiting for that only you can provide?

So do your thing. Be amazing, be kind, genuine, brilliant, dynamic, AWE-INSPRING…..

You’re too flyy not to be!

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2 Responses to "A Brief Tryst with Pettyness"

Thanks so much for that post it was very inspirational, you’re a terrific writer btw- if you didn’t already know that lol.
Thanks for keeping your readers up to date as well, I can only imagine how tough it is keeping up with life, medical school, and yourself. Keep on pressing on.
🙂

Nice post. I think that so many black women are afraid of being their best. When we are hard working and successful people left and right want to have negative feedback. Keep hanging in there. You are still going to have pieces of the same you from Hampton, but you have also begun to develop into the professional you. I’m sure that you will do great things and don’t allow yourself to hold you back!

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