A Black Female Medical Student

being flawed.

Posted on: October 11, 2011

I’m flawed.

Its something I’m quite frank about. I’m a very flawed individual. Its just because I’m blessed with favor and above average intelligence that I’ve made it this far in life.

My 24th b-day is coming up soon.

I want this next year to be a good year. I want to grow. I mean really grow.

Its funny. I have a favorite year of life. It was the year after I turned 20. It was my senior year of college. That was just an awesome year. I had so much fun, I had a good group of friends that I loved, I was finally out of a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, I graduated college, I was traveling the country, I bought a car lol. Life was great.

I didn’t grow very much during that year though. I kind of put work and improvement aside and I just had fun. Most of my growing was in the years previously. The very long, painful, awkward years that were filled with lots of hard work and changing and adjusting and constantly re-evaluating.

I’m kind of coming to that crossroads now. Part of me wants this to be a year of growth and maturity, but growth is hard. Its kind of like getting in shape. Getting in shape sucks, BEING in shape feels great haha.

But seriously, I have a lot of bad habits that I want to break. Characteristics of myself that I know are holding me back from reaching my full potential. If I wanted, I could totally coast through this year. Grade inflation is real, and to be perfectly honest, my grades don’t really matter. Residency programs are not concerned about what my GPA was in an MPH program.

But there is a reason I came here.

As painful as it was to do, I knew I had to leave my friends and kind of carve a niche for myself. Kinda go out at it alone? But the thing with going at it alone, you can’t hide behind conformity, you can’t hide within the group.

Its hard.

 

 

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